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There is often more power in what is not said than in what is said, as I learned through years of facilitating change with people and organisations.
It's often more important to listen to what people are not saying - to listen to the spaces between the words. Here you will find the wisdom of hidden resistance. Here you will find the "No!' that so often lies behind poor performance.
"My team is just not performing, and they're always complaining about something."
I smile when I hear this. It's a common whinge from managers and business owners. I point out that they are whining about their staff whining.
Behind most complaints are legitimate breakdowns in the business or team. Seldom are complaints really about what people say they are about.
"Words don't mean what they mean," writes Steven Pinker, a Harvard psychologist.
Sometimes, someone lacks the courage to express what's really going on, or people dismiss their own opinion because they doubt themselves. Sometimes they have no idea why they are unhappy or they complain out of habit.
People say only what they feel is safe to say and don't know where to look for what's really going on.
Max Schupbach, the co-founder of Process Work at Portland University, who works with the leaders of some of the Fortune 500 companies, shares this popular anecdote to illustrate how leaders get stuck looking in the dark.
"In the middle of the night, a policeman runs into the village fool, who is looking for his keys on the sidewalk under the streetlight. After searching together for a while, the cop asks: "Are you sure you lost your keys here?"
"No," says the fool. "I dropped them on the opposite sidewalk, but there is no streetlight over there, as you can see."
Often this is how leaders deal with problems. Schupbach says: "To achieve this [result], we create structures and policies, develop and implement best practices, analyse problem areas, and find solutions and new best practices.
"However, in spite of all the progress made, we are often frustrated and feel that there are invisible forces working against us. We get slowed down by inertia and resistances.
"The unlit side of the street seems to sabotage our work. On this unlit side are the unspoken resentments, the secret fears and jealousies, past hurts and simmering conflicts, stress and boredom, which form a background noise of gossip."
If you want to know what's really going on, it's worth not only paying attention when someone complains, but to be proactive and invite the "no" in.
The "no" in the room is where innovation lies. The "no" in the team will guide you to understand what is causing the breakdown and the solutions.
If people are complaining openly, that's a great sign. It means you have created a safe place that encourages people to use their intelligence, and you understand that every system needs to be shaken to evolve.
But as most of us fear criticism, we often create an environment where people are afraid to be themselves.
When that happens, you'll notice the poor performance, but you'll be the last to find out that your team is unhappy.
They do what is expected of them and little more.
Underneath, employees are telling you: "If you want me to perform at my best, don't ask me to be a robot. Encourage me to innovate, to ask more of you, to ask more of myself. All of this requires me feeling that my 'no' means something to you."
So what can you do? Start looking for the "no". People need to know there will be no retribution for speaking up. If you unpack the resistance, you may find a key that will unlock a series of problems and solutions.
The UN Development Programme's leadership course teaches that quality questions seek solutions. Instead of asking: "What is wrong with the current reality?" Ask: "Where are we going?" "What breakthrough do we want to achieve?" "What are the possibilities?"
You need to teach your team to turn their complaints into inquiry. And it starts with you.
You have to transform your complaints about them into quality questions.
Business Report, The Star,
By Jo Hazelhurst
Jo Hazelhurst is a change agent, leadership facilitator, personal development coach, entrepreneur and writer. Send questions or comments via www.kalavati.org
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